The Art of Coaching
I write a lot of articles and entries regarding the conditions of the human and the concepts of improvement, but not as much about the coaching process. It seems to some that any mention of vocation is commercial and a sell out to giving endless streams of free information on the internet.
However, how people think about coaching directly affects the impact and quality of the coaching process. Teaching is useless unless one can reach the students most in need. Those are the very students most likely to refuse study.
One of the things that bothers me the most is the difficulty we as professional coaches have in reaching the very people that need us the most. One of the primary symptoms of poor living direction is that the person refuses to admit the need for or accept the help of anyone else especially a coach or mentor.
So, I went to the people to ask questions and find out why. More than just a business tool the use of coaching and mentoring to develop stability, direction and measurable progress is an accepted and even required concept in some of the most diverse fields from sports to medicine.
Generally individuals in management or creative fields accept the need and importance of coaching very easily, but the “average” person in the core consumer market struggles along on their own randomly facing down the challenges that the living experience throws their way.
First, I identified individuals and families that had adopted the “struggling on their own” patterns and then I asked them specific questions on support and coaching such as:
Have you ever had a mentor or coach?
If so or if not, why?
What is your view on coaching or mentoring?
Here are the results.
None of these people had ever had a coach or mentor. There were a few family members offering advice, but they had never been formally coached for free or otherwise. The concept of coaching and mentoring was almost foreign to them.
Few of these people understood the benefits potential of having someone else for support. They couldn’t understand how another person was going to help them elevate their results or lifestyle.
They had been making a living on their own since high school. They had always done things on their own and didn’t see any reason to change that pattern.
Coaching was something for other people. People involved in special things like sports and movies far above anything these people saw as remotely in their future. They simply didn’t need it and probably couldn’t afford it.
Their two major response patterns were:
Even though almost every person was unhappy with current social position, career, lifestyle, or living results the response was… “I’ve done alright up to this point. I don’t see any reason to change.”
Even though most admitted being stuck, confused and not knowing what to do next or where to turn the response was… “I don’t see what someone else can do for me. It’s just something else for me to worry about.”
These two statements are the answers to questions regarding the success of some and the defeat of others. Learn them well and look for them within yourself. Look deeply and I’m certain you will find some of these feelings lurking in the shadows.
I don’t see any reason to change.
I don’t see what someone else can do for me.
On top of all that most of these people admitted that anything added to their living experience automatically became a worry even before results were had.
These are the common denominators between success and struggle. Like it or not, commercial or otherwise I just told you the truth. Sports teams, athletes and performers have specialized coaches for a reason. Executives, highly educated and paid executives, have coaches and mentors to bring out their best.
These people recognize and accept the need for change and support. This is a hurdle you must overcome long before you begin to restructure your living patterns and results. Our biggest struggle is reaching out to the people who simply won’t accept help.
How much value would my words have if I wasn’t willing to take my own advice? This past year I paid a mentor to work with me on one aspect of my business.
Was it worth the cost? Absolutely. The direction and knowledge more than made up for any expense. In fact, I have always gotten great value out of good advice and skill sets and I’ve had many valuable coaches and mentors.
Take a good look at the top paid executives, sports athletes and celebrities and you’ll be hard pressed to find any that haven’t used or currently have a coach or mentor in some form. Look closely at the people and families struggling along and you’ll see no coaching at all.
It’s not the end all answer, but it’s the truth.
The difference? Change and support.
If you don’t want a coach then find someone that exhibits quality living skills and ask them for a little mentoring. You never know sometimes a good teacher is only a request away.
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Accepting Defeat
I guess you’ve tried just about everything. I think you’re right perhaps you should just give up and stop making an effort. I mean, why bother?
Is that your reasoning? I certainly hope not, but you might be surprised to find out how many people do give up.
After years of struggle and setbacks they simply stop trying to make progress. They accept the status quo as normal and only want to maintain a level playing field.
Without initiative and the vision of a better future your motivation is squashed and you are ultimately doomed to a redundant trial and error life path that doesn’t support a stable or abundant lifestyle.
Even worse, your children are first hand witness to the entire pattern. After a few years they accept your patterns as normal and begin to shape their thoughts and patterns in your image.
This doesn’t have to be! You have the ability to change immediately and without the help of anyone. The first and most important step you have already completed.
Being aware that the situation exists.
- Refuse to accept poor patterns or setback results.
- Plan your life instead of allowing random events to happen.
- Use the quality and control of your life as a parental example.
Living is all you have. The living experience is what you do.
How could you ever think to turn away from all that you have been and all that you have the potential to become simply because you may be challenged right now? A challenge that most likely will be almost forgotten with time.
Steel yourself to the demands of the living experience and resolve to awake tomorrow ready to establish yourself as a new stronger person.
You’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish.
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Influence of Michael Jackson
I can remember talking to several of Michael Jackson’s producers years ago. It was right between Thriller and Bad and Michael’s influence was at an all time high. We knew he was creating history.
I can ardently remember how focused and detailed he was when it came to his image and performance. Like a machine he would dance and cavort to the rants of the audience.
Once again we have lost a great performer too young. Many people question Michael’s lifestyle, but the social air at his level is so rare that it affects the perspective and excessive income fuels to urges.
I shall always remember him fondly at his zenith when his songs reverberated with the public pulse much like Elvis years before. I’m numb right now at the shock of the news, but our end is after all inevitable. Still, I wish he had stayed a while longer because I still felt he had so much left inside.
With great success comes great responsibility and accountability. In the end I think the pressure simply grew to be too much for his frail condition.
Let’s remember Michael Jackson the person and icon and not the lifestyle image.
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Life is About Living
You are alive in case you hadn’t noticed. That process consists of getting up every morning and living. Nature doesn’t care if you lead a full life it only dictates that you think and breathe. The only functional requirements are those of the human body.
And some people take it right to the limit. They barely function. They hardly move other than fulfilling the basic needs of eating, sleeping and going to the bathroom. Life has become nothing more than a biological process keeping them in front of a television or table of food.
Others pretend to live while they are waiting for some amazing future moment when they can finally be free to live. They want to retire. The years dedicated to the work effort are simply shunned off and passed by. These people want to squeeze a lifetime into their last few remaining years.
In fact, there are many people that never make it to the retirement years because of sickness, injury or unforeseen circumstances. Their living experience is cut short before they get to that golden promise of retirement happiness.
So what is the answer to living? Do it now!
Living is what occurs every morning when you awake. You don’t have to wait for a certain amount of money, or personal circumstances or retirement. You are free right now to create the living experience that represents you to the public.
Then there’s fear. Most people have it some more than others. The same fear that causes you to hesitate before doing something may be paralyzing to another. There are a great many people that are afraid of losing, rejection or perceived failure and also some that fear success and the demands, changes and exposure it might bring.
Guess what? Here’s an interesting fact we observed over the years. Most people never notice other people in this ocean of humanity unless you exhibit either very poor results or very good results. They notice the extremes of the living scale.
The public notices people that commit crimes or have such poor living skills that they stand out from the general public. People also pay attention to those that exhibit the traits of the highly refined and wealthy. The average people in the middle seem to pass by almost unnoticed.
That means if you choose to stay in a state of poor results you are more likely to be noticed for those characteristics than you would be if you made an effort to improve. Which side of the scale would you rather be known for?
Personally, I choose the quality living side. Get up, get cleaned up, dress for success and start exploring the living process for what it truly is and not for some opinion of what it means to you.
Children naturally enjoy the living experience. It’s all they have! They don’t understand the demands, jobs, retirement and other factors that cloud the thinking of adults. All children know is that they are alive and exploring and enjoying the living experience as much as possible. They don’t dread getting up in the morning and they don’t crawl off to bed at night beaten by the experiences of the previous day.
Recapture the child that still lives within you. Grasp living for what it is…a process. Spread your influence out to others without fear of rejection, failure or success. It is you, it is life and if others don’t find that appealing, so what?
One of my favorite quotes is “Living Better is Living Smarter”, but there are times when “Living Better is Simply Living at All”.
Every morning is a blank canvas. Your decisions, motivations and actions are the colors. What are you going to paint for others to see in your living experience today?
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Casey Anthony Revelation
A while back I happened upon a lady that had a revelation about Casey Anthony. She had been devoutly following the story since last summer and was emotionally wrapped up in the process of discovery and trial.
The news media pummels the stories every day as they blast the news into your home through the television. Lost and abducted children, murdered children and families and chaos around the world.
We see these stories all the time so I am always curious why some people latch on to certain events and almost make them personal. Sometimes to the degree that their emotions come pouring out into their lifestyle and the people around them.
The lady that I am speaking of was totally wrapped up in this story. She watched the news all day and never missed the tabloid style news reports devoted almost entirely to these crimes that appear later in the evening on television.
She was caught, hook, line and sinker. Her days were filled with sorrow for little Caylee and disgust for Casey Anthony. She was bitter, resentful and filled with hatred. To quote her very words to me, “If I could get my hands on her ( Casey ) I’d choke her to death myself”.
A rather interesting response coming from someone NOT associated with this case or family in any way other than what she sees or hears in the news.
So we sat down to talk. First, I explained that I was also disheartened by the constant news of young children being abducted, mistreated or killed. However, I was not connected to these people or their cases in any way.
My avenue of releasing the feelings was to help support the specific groups designed to find missing children and to develop educational courses for parents and people that might stem these poor patterns and decisions by others in the future.
I didn’t take the cases personally or let my emotions get the better of me. I didn’t picket on the sidewalk outside the Anthony home and wasn’t going to harbor feelings of anger and hatred toward the people involved.
As we talked I began to point out her other patterns of thought. Her acceptance of poor results and unwillingness to accept that her struggles were the result of poor thoughts and decisions.
She had become exactly what she believed she was. She was the sum of her poor thought patterns. In fact, she had been feeling sick and stressed as she held in the anger and hatred she had for Casey Anthony.
Suddenly she saw the light. She stood up as if something had shocked her. With mouth agape she looked around her home and realized that she had been locked within a lifestyle prison of her own making.
Her unwillingness to accept help and her denial of responsibility for her lifestyle results had created an endless loop of poor living patterns that kept her trapped. She had constantly focused on tabloid news, she lived through it and those thoughts disconnected her from the real world that impacted her living experience.
She wailed, tears flowed and she fell to her knees thankful for the light of clarity she had just become aware of. The change was immediate and profound.
This lady has evolved. She started a new career, bought a new home, new vehicle and completely changed herself. Today she appears to be a totally different person.
Yesterday, I asked her about Casey Anthony. “Terrible thing isn’t it” she replied. “I’m certain the trial will bring everything to light and she will face the punishment due if she is convicted”.
“But Casey Anthony isn’t my concern as I have much more in my life to focus on than what Casey Anthony is or is not doing right now”.
Big changes bring more big changes. Her “stinkin thinkin” was a thing of the past and she had abandoned the empty bitter shell that has encompassed her for so long.
You can too if you only have someone help you to see and overcome the barriers you have placed around yourself.
When do you want to start living your life?
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Do You Have Stinkin Thinkin
What do you think is the difference between the successful person surrounded by fame and fortune and the “average” person struggling every day for a basic wage or salary? Intelligence? Image and appearance? Skills and talent? Actually it’s none of those things.
The reason? They have “stinkin thinkin” to quote Zig Ziglar.
Poor people think poor.
Let me define poor before we continue. This is not so much a money issue as a living quality choice. Most of us relate the term poor to financial status. In fact, I look at poor thinking as poor living choices and direction.
When you make poor living decisions you usually suffer from poor financial condition as a result. They go hand-in-hand.
Here’s a point I make in seminars. I can stand 10 “average” people on one side of a room. These people generally work very hard at their “jobs” and have incomes of $50,000 or less.
On the other side of the room I stand 10 “successful” people. These people also work hard, but they work and live smarter and their incomes are $100,000 or more.
The “average” group gets up and follows essentially the same pattern of life day after day all the while expecting something different to happen.
The “successful” group gets up and adapts their day to the results they expect. They understand the need for change and evolution to promote new results.
The “average” group lives a random existence. They “wing it” all day based on what life throws their way.
The “successful” group has written objectives. They “structure” their days and adjust to the things that come up.
The “average” group has problems that are delays, setbacks or dead ends.
The “successful” group has challenges that require planning to overcome.
The “average” group measures success by money and social status.
The “successful” group measures success by happiness and fulfillment.
The “average” people don’t need help and refuse to admit or accept the need or validity of a support team.
The “successful” group seeks out help and support. They fully understand that they cannot and should not do it all on their own when there are other people that can help to speed them along toward their objectives.
After our seminars “successful” people use what they have learned to boost their results while the “average” group generally returns to their same old patterns. They rarely apply what they have learned to the living experience and then claim that “it simply doesn’t work”.
The “successful” people don’t have excuses they have motivation. The “average” people have a book full of excuses, blame and claims of unfair results.
In short, “average” people have “stinkin thinkin”. Their thought patterns almost guarantee a boring poor result living experience and that breeds dissatisfaction and misery. They get random erratic results and therefore make less money and often have a much lower social status.
These people are constantly starting over, being delayed or struggling with daily living. Worse than that their children often grow up to be just like the parents. The parents have doomed their children to a life of unnecessary toil and poor lifestyle unless the child can break free from the patterns on their own as they mature.
Which group are you in? Which group do you want to be in?
No one is holding you back. It’s entirely YOUR decision how your life will turn out.
What’s your decision?
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Your Impact and Promises
There is one golden rule to success that simply cannot be denied. One rule that encompasses all of the results you get with the public and determines the positive or negative response returned for your efforts.
You must impact the lives of others in a positive manner. In fact, your success is defined by how many people you impact and how much your positive influence improves their lives.
Plus you must deliver far more than you promise. People are smothered by ads and claims making guarantees and promises of performance every day. After a while they become numb or skeptical to those claims.
You must impact their lives positively and you must provide them with much more than promised. Keep them happy, go far beyond what anyone could or would have expected in service and your returns will be greater than you ever dreamed.
In short:
- Your success depends upon your positive impact on the public.
- Give far more than anyone else would ever expect.
You should build your life path and business around these two principles.
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Its Not What You Expect
It’s not that people want too much, it’s that they expect too little. They want in general terms that don’t allow them to develop specific methods of having what they desire. Their objectives are weak and unclear.
You see, you can have almost anything you desire as long as your focus and intention are equal to the patterns and circumstances. Once everything comes together the result is a foregone conclusion.
Tiger Woods doesn’t try to win a golf tournament. Instead he tries to hit each shot from Point A to Point B the best that he can. If he does that good enough the victory becomes almost guaranteed.
Focusing on the entire tournament can be overwhelming, but focusing on that ball sitting on the grass and the one next contact of the club is acceptable and realistic. That can be done and it can be done well if one focuses with enough detail and skill.
The result is immediate and measureable. Tiger can see the results his patterns are getting on each shot and every hole score. He can easily adjust and adapt to changing conditions and circumstances. He has a specific pattern of success that works very nicely for him.
Why then do so many people not get what they want? Because one of the ingredients is either lacking or there is an imbalance in the components that are the source of success for them.
If you are interested in taking a vacation, but haven’t yet decided where, what is the result? Nothing. You are confused and haven’t moved one inch toward your intended objective. Once your clarify the destination and formulate the basic path required you not only feel motivated to begin you actually do start.
Generalization of objectives causes you to go in circles. The holding pattern that keeps you circling as you ponder what to do next. Having a clear objective provides you with a Point B that allows you to travel in a straight line progressing toward the future result.
- Your objective MUST be SPECIFIC
- Your objective result MUST be MEASUREABLE
- Your methods and patterns MUST be ADJUSTABLE
Within these three factors is the source of success for you and anyone else in almost anything you attempt to do. Obviously, you must be willing to make the commitment and maintain the focus required to achieve acceptable results, but these factors are the foundation of success.
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The Fear of Money
Would you like more money? Believe it or not you may be afraid of money. Many people are and simply don’t realize it.
Recently, I asked for a show of hands from people seeking knowledge in money making and business improvement tips.
First, I asked how many people wanted to make more money. Almost every hand went high into the air. Ok, now how many want to double their current income? Most hands stayed up.
How many want a million dollars? Some of the hands went down. Ten million? One hundred million? The hands steadily went down. Finally, I asked how many people had a written plan with measurable objectives to achieve those financial goals. Two hands…
People want more money. They want the possessions and good times money can afford. They want to provide their family with a better lifestyle, but in most cases people are afraid of money.
No, they don’t realize it. They truly think they are focused on financial improvement, but mostly their thoughts are nothing more than wishes for more money in a very general manner. They are truly seeking small improvements in the pattern of income already established.
Some even have a rejection of money. “Money is the root of all evil” is a common statement. Well, then go home and be good yet broke. Money isn’t the root of evil. The improper use of money along with unacceptable social and legal direction is the source of evil thoughts and deeds.
When I asked individuals if they thought they would ever have ten million dollars in assets most replied NO. They had become accustomed to living day to day barely scraping by within the confines of a fixed range of salary. They wanted more, but only mentally accepted that the more would come in small chunks over a long period of time.
Not only must you focus your mind on the accumulation of wealth, but it is imperative that you actually accept the concept of having money in large amounts. Thinking small causes your mind to seek out small improvements.
Your brain cannot direct you toward opportunities or even be open to those opportunities unless you first accept that it is possible and probable that you must and will have money in much larger amounts than the average salary.
It’s also not just a money focus. Most of my sports, acting or musical clients focus on winning championships, awards or being the best at what they do. Their accepted focus is becoming the top of their profession and the money comes with achieving those levels of performance.
Money and results are connected in business. Some keep track by their accomplishments or the accolades of their peers and others measure success by the paycheck returned.
Senior business executives think in returns, profits and growth. They think large and they reap large returns. Not long ago one executive moved into a company and after a term of less than a year he left with a severance package of many millions of dollars.
This was NORMAL to him and the company that paid the income and benefits. However, I heard strong rejection from the “average” people that heard the story. “How could any one man be worth that much in such a short time?” was the response from those still struggling with low salaries.
These people were suffering from small thinking. They had never actually been involved with income or business agreements that encompass millions of dollars and they simply couldn’t wrap their comprehension around the concept of such a contract.
If you think this sounds totally material perhaps you should reexamine your thoughts about money, influence and power. Perhaps you are naturally limiting your results through your thought patterns regarding money.
The people I confronted in that meeting were stunned at how drastically they were limiting their drive for abundance. They felt normal and many had been following those thought patterns for many years. Not one had ever considered that their own thoughts might be holding them back because they internally wanted more money so badly.
Wanting more is too general. It’s not specific enough for your mind to work with. Sit down today and decide once and for all how much is enough. How much is the goal you truly desire and then let your mind do what it does best which is start to formulate direction toward the accepted goals.
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Money Money and More Money
The demands seem endless. Pay this bill, pay for that need and pretty soon there simply isn’t enough to go around. More and more people are finding their pockets empty at the end of the month. What’s a sane person to do?
Just explain it to them. That was the answer I got during a recent meeting when I asked how we could better reach those people with the greatest potential and economic concerns.
It’s one thing to coach a client that has $750,000 a month coming in. You see, they don’t have their back against a wall. They can pay their mortgages and don’t have to worry about keeping food on the table for small children.
What I wanted to do was reach the small businessperson struggling to stay afloat making only a few thousand dollars a month. The family experiencing job loss or cutbacks constantly looking for a path to a better life and stable income results.
Those are the people that need our help the most, but guess what? They also turn out to be the very people that refuse to seek out support. “It’s not for me” or “I can’t afford it” echo in every consultation. Parents that fight every day with their children because they fail to understand the natural process of adult/child communication. People that suffer in economic limbo pondering their next move.
There are so many scams, flimflams, eBooks and crooks proliferating the world with junk right now that most reasonable people are skeptical of everything they see and hear. And rightfully so. Last year I spent almost $40,000 to review stacks of these so called “opportunities” and the great majority of them were, well, let’s simply say…lacking substance.
Everyone is in a hurry, impatient, financially strapped. Yet, those people that have support systems in place go about their business many without a care in the world. Don’t get me wrong. These people are friends and clients. They deserve the rewards they have earned and continue to earn. I share the pride and happiness of seeing a client succeed.
They also struggled and worked hard and they should reap the rewards. However, I find it a shame that it is so difficult to reach those good people that are working hard and yet still having a hard time making ends meet, but that is natural.
One of the primary symptoms of trying to do things by yourself without support is the acceptance in your mind that you do not need help. When we leave school to strike out on our own most people accept that this is absolute. They toil and struggle digging into the hard surface of economic demand. Others employ a team of support that helps them till the ground and plant the seeds of successful results.
So, in the following weeks I will be sharing some basic advice on these blogs. Hoping that the concepts and words will help someone that needs the advice. If you benefit from those ideas perhaps you’ll consider a free consultation with a coach.
Perhaps we’ll be able to crack through the pessimistic veneer that shields people from accepting help and seeking new ways of invigorating the living experience.
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