The Art of Coaching
I write a lot of articles and entries regarding the conditions of the human and the concepts of improvement, but not as much about the coaching process. It seems to some that any mention of vocation is commercial and a sell out to giving endless streams of free information on the internet.
However, how people think about coaching directly affects the impact and quality of the coaching process. Teaching is useless unless one can reach the students most in need. Those are the very students most likely to refuse study.
One of the things that bothers me the most is the difficulty we as professional coaches have in reaching the very people that need us the most. One of the primary symptoms of poor living direction is that the person refuses to admit the need for or accept the help of anyone else especially a coach or mentor.
So, I went to the people to ask questions and find out why. More than just a business tool the use of coaching and mentoring to develop stability, direction and measurable progress is an accepted and even required concept in some of the most diverse fields from sports to medicine.
Generally individuals in management or creative fields accept the need and importance of coaching very easily, but the “average” person in the core consumer market struggles along on their own randomly facing down the challenges that the living experience throws their way.
First, I identified individuals and families that had adopted the “struggling on their own” patterns and then I asked them specific questions on support and coaching such as:
Have you ever had a mentor or coach?
If so or if not, why?
What is your view on coaching or mentoring?
Here are the results.
None of these people had ever had a coach or mentor. There were a few family members offering advice, but they had never been formally coached for free or otherwise. The concept of coaching and mentoring was almost foreign to them.
Few of these people understood the benefits potential of having someone else for support. They couldn’t understand how another person was going to help them elevate their results or lifestyle.
They had been making a living on their own since high school. They had always done things on their own and didn’t see any reason to change that pattern.
Coaching was something for other people. People involved in special things like sports and movies far above anything these people saw as remotely in their future. They simply didn’t need it and probably couldn’t afford it.
Their two major response patterns were:
Even though almost every person was unhappy with current social position, career, lifestyle, or living results the response was… “I’ve done alright up to this point. I don’t see any reason to change.”
Even though most admitted being stuck, confused and not knowing what to do next or where to turn the response was… “I don’t see what someone else can do for me. It’s just something else for me to worry about.”
These two statements are the answers to questions regarding the success of some and the defeat of others. Learn them well and look for them within yourself. Look deeply and I’m certain you will find some of these feelings lurking in the shadows.
I don’t see any reason to change.
I don’t see what someone else can do for me.
On top of all that most of these people admitted that anything added to their living experience automatically became a worry even before results were had.
These are the common denominators between success and struggle. Like it or not, commercial or otherwise I just told you the truth. Sports teams, athletes and performers have specialized coaches for a reason. Executives, highly educated and paid executives, have coaches and mentors to bring out their best.
These people recognize and accept the need for change and support. This is a hurdle you must overcome long before you begin to restructure your living patterns and results. Our biggest struggle is reaching out to the people who simply won’t accept help.
How much value would my words have if I wasn’t willing to take my own advice? This past year I paid a mentor to work with me on one aspect of my business.
Was it worth the cost? Absolutely. The direction and knowledge more than made up for any expense. In fact, I have always gotten great value out of good advice and skill sets and I’ve had many valuable coaches and mentors.
Take a good look at the top paid executives, sports athletes and celebrities and you’ll be hard pressed to find any that haven’t used or currently have a coach or mentor in some form. Look closely at the people and families struggling along and you’ll see no coaching at all.
It’s not the end all answer, but it’s the truth.
The difference? Change and support.
If you don’t want a coach then find someone that exhibits quality living skills and ask them for a little mentoring. You never know sometimes a good teacher is only a request away.
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